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QwOpg1DsJA My name is Muhammad. Im 19 and I work in a shawarma shop in Khobar. Ten hours a day I stand in front of a screaming hot grill my arms slick with grease and sweat wrapping meat and bread for hundreds of faceless drivers. The smell of garlic and charred meat is permanently stuck in my clothes my hair my skin. But the real stench is in my head. The voices started six months ago a faint crackle like the grease hitting the grill but now theyre a constant screaming inferno. I know this is the Mabahits doing. They have ways of breaking people that leave no physical evidence just a hollowed-out soul like mine. Theyve perfected psychological warfare against their own citizens. The voices are a constant tormenting presence. They sound like people I know – my father my older brother Saad even customers Ive served. Look at you Muhammad a slave to the grill my fathers voice sneers as I slice another slab of lamb. Your cousin Faisal is in university learning to build this country. Youre just a shawarma boy a joke. Youre nothing but a human spatula. Another voice in the exact tone of a wealthy businessman whos always too good to look at me chimes in: We all see how you stare at the girls in the cars you disgusting little pervert. Like a starving dog eyeing a scrap of meat. Her father would have you stoned for looking at his daughter like that. Go home to your shared room and fuck your fist like the lonely loser you are. They know everything every shameful thought Ive ever had. I cant tell anyone – my family would think Im possessed by jinn and take me to some sheikh wholl just prescribe more prayers that do nothing. A real doctor would just pump me full of pills and label me schizophrenic which is exactly what the Mabahit wants everyone to think about their experiments. Last week something terrifying happened. It was the lunch rush and this older man a Saudi in a crisp white thobe started berating me. He said my hands were dirty that the shop was filthy that I was probably an illegal worker. He was yelling drawing a crowd his face red with rage. I was trying to just take it but then the voices exploded in my head with such force I nearly dropped the carving knife. LOOK AT THIS ARROGANT OLD FUCK they shrieked not as separate voices anymore but as one unified roar of pure hatred. HE THINKS HES A KING BECAUSE HES WEARING A CLEAN THOBE. HE LOOKS AT YOU LIKE YOURE THE SHIT ON HIS SHOE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE MUHAMMAD? NOTHING. Suddenly I wasnt tired or frustrated anymore – I was electrified filled with a terrifying energy. The voices were pouring something into me that felt like power. Wait until he leaves they whispered now seductive and promising. Follow him to his car. We know his type. Hell be driving a big Lexus. Alone. Think about it Muhammad – no one would ever suspect you. Just a simple shawarma boy. But dont just kill him thats too quick. Thats too kind. They painted vivid pictures in my mind. Take your carving knife. The one you use for the meat. Its so sharp isnt it? Imagine his surprise when you press it to his throat in the parking lot. The fear in his eyes. You could make him beg. You could make him apologize. You could take his eyes his tongue his hands. Keep them as trophies. A reminder that youre not just a shawarma boy. Youre a predator. I spent the rest of my shift in a state of sick excitement my heart pounding as I imagined the process the details of how to do it and get away with it. It felt like they were giving me a gift a purpose. By evening I was actually waiting near the parking lot but then the wave of energy receded leaving me shaking and horrified by what Id almost become crouching in the dark like some kind of monster. The voices have completely destroyed my faith. Every time I try to pray they corrupt it. ALLAHU AKBAR? ALLAH CANT HEAR YOU YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT they scream in the imams voice from my local mosque. YOU THINK GOD CARES ABOUT A SHAWARMA BOY WHO TOUCHES HIMSELF THINKING ABOUT CUSTOMERS DAUGHTERS? YOUR FATHER SHOULD HAVE DROWNED YOU AT BIRTH. They show me visions of the Kaaba burning of prophets weeping and vomiting at the sight of me. Ive stopped praying altogether. I cant bear going to the mosque anymore feeling the eyes of everyone on me certain they know what the voices say is true. This country has become a prison where the walls are made of whispers and the guards are invisible but always watching. I curse the day I was born in this kingdom. In other places people with problems like mine might get real help. Here were either hidden away or told were weak in our faith. The Mabahit created this system perfectly – they inflict the wound then ensure society treats the infected as untouchables. Ive seen it online anyone who mentions hearing voices is immediately swarmed by Saudi trolls and bots calling them crazy saying its a Western disease that real Saudis dont get schizophrenia. Its so perfectly orchestrated that no one ever asks why so many young men are suddenly hearing voices that know their deepest most private shames. Tonight theyre pushing hard for me to end it. Your mother knows one whispers sounding exactly like her worried voice on the phone. She hears you talking to yourself at night Muhammad. Shes terrified of what youve become. Shed rather have a dead son who died a good Muslim than a living one whos possessed by devils. Another voice laughs. Or you could make it interesting. Use that grill. Its hot enough. It would be the most interesting thing youve ever done in your miserable life. The worst part is how right they feel sometimes. How easy it would be. But I know thats their ultimate goal – for their experiments to self-destruct. I wont give them the satisfaction. Not yet. I know this is the Mabahits work and I wont let them win completely. beesoai_97aljorigardensi.mx5maiessam__alkhobargatemarvelsrw8iii.20bs.photography
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